Impatiently Waiting…

Wow this is hard. To just be. To just sit with myself and my thoughts all alone within the walls of a hospital room. My mind racing. Almost like a pinball machine. One thought bouncing off of another. I can’t get away from myself.

This is definitely a test of my patience. I don’t do well with boredom. I feel confined. Trapped. I’m not one bit worried about my upcoming surgery. Is that weird? Am I abnormal? I just keep thinking that if I should happen to have an anesthesia complication because of my weight and health at least I wouldn’t know it. Crazy, I know. But, reality. I also think the fact that I’ve dealt with the insanity of this injury for so long that it has impacted my ability to feel any kind of emotion other than urgency about the situation. I’ve been patient about it for long enough. Im ready to have my life back.

So…I wait. I drink tea, and coffee, and watch movies, and wait. I can’t seem to reign in my eating disorder or my anxiety or my depression but I am praying that this can push me along. I guess I can at least dream.

-Much love